At the Edge of the Old Wall: A Path Between Christianity and Soul

The farmhouse and church tower in the distance - Alsace

I am here in Alsace, as a family holiday took me to these lands in Western France. I was prepared for a family-style trip mostly involving wine, cheese, Flammkuchen and cold cuts. I had never been to this place, but my partner had always talked so fondly about his childhood memories and his family holidays spent in the area near Srasburgh.

I didn't quite know what to expect, but sure enough I wasn't expecting to fall in love with this place, to feel what I felt and, once more, finding myself returning Home.

The Cottage at the Church

The view from my bedroom window

In one of my previous blogs (Reutrning Home), I talked about how, after many years of searching, I am finding myself returning Home. This is where my heart is, has always been and had been calling from afar, hoping one day I'd hear her voice in the wind.

I am sat in this beautiful countryside farmhouse cottage, surrounded by miles of fields, vineyards, corn, wheat fields, and dotted with distinct little red roofed farms, standing tall over their land.

As I said, I had no preconceptions aside from the food (here shines my Italian self!). After around three hours in the car, we arrived In France. I could clearly perceive a change in the air...gently welcomed by a serene yet austere atmosphere. One of a country that stood tall amidst many historical pivotal changes that marked the birth of Democracy, as well as Europe.

After a brief stop at a patisserie, we headed for our final destination. The more we travelled into the country, the more I began to feel a sense of joy in my heart. Looking at the luscious green, the vines, the ripe cherry trees...there is an air permeating these lands, one that can be felt in Europe. It's the air of an 'old' land, one that has witnessed the passing of time in a way that's unique to Her.

The roads kept getting smaller and smaller until two minutes away from our destination, we turned left - and there it was. Towering in the distance over a cluster of little french cottages, a small countryside bell tower. The silence was wrapping the scene in a serene glow, the heat, the cicadas, the crickets singing in the distance melancholic summer songs.

At first I wasn't sure where exactly our cottage would be, but as we kept approaching, it became clear that our destination was on the yard backing on the cloister. of a small pilgrimage church. I can't quite explain it in any clearer terms, other than saying, I felt overwhelmed by a sense of knowing I had been here before. At this very church, in this very place. As we all settled in, I went inside our room, and opened the windows to discover we were right over the church grounds, overlooking the cloister. On the roofs of the church, bold letter cited 'Ave Maria'.

All I can say is that I felt overcome by a sense of awe, a deep gratefulness, as well as the feeling that this was part of this return to myself, my roots and my beginnings.

At the Fork Between Two Paths - A Way In Between

For a long time I had felt conflicted. I remember berating my Catholic background, perhaps encouraged by the vibes of certain spiritual circles which stand against religion in its strictest form. I would like to pre-empt that I am in no way getting into this argument here! What I can say is only related to my own personal experience, and this is why I decided to talk about it. So, going back to the original point, for a long time I felt a conflict inside of me. I found myself abandoning christianity all together, as I felt it wasn't delivering on what I was looking for: love, openness and connection with Spirit. As mentioned before, as an ex Catholic, I felt hindered by my religious background, because the teachings based on fear, submission and suffering had led me to feel unable to truly open up to Spirit, and do the work I now do. But as I did, I also felt I was distancing myself from my roots, partly from who I am, from what makes up my foundations as a person.

Nevertheless, I continued on my path, having made peace with letting go of the past, in the spirit of experiencing what I was looking for. However, I kept experiencing a sense of emptiness, wondering if my spiritual choices meant having to deny my past and my upbringing. Was all that I experienced and was taught indeed something that takes you away from true spirituality?I felt this alienated me, especially because I have always felt a strong connection to divinity, that I called God, and, during my spiritual journey, to figures like the Christ, Mother Mary, St Francis, Padre Pio and other important figures from the Christian and Catholic world.

When I separated from the Church, I thought that was it, that I was making a choice, but of course, we can never truly get rid of something that's part of our upbringing and roots. Only, at the time, I had not understood how the two aspects would co-exist, or if they could!

Slowly, as I work on returning to the Self, I am discovering that indeed they can, that the Soul works above labels like religion or spirituality, that everything is truly one, and that even something that could sound extremely religious can hold a seed of deep spiritual connection that goes beyond words, beyond something that can be put into one camp or the other.

The Ancestral Call

As I am starting to understand now, there is a voice that, one way or another, begins to calls us from our afar, from our lands, our roots, from where we came from. This voice begins to make itself known as a whisper, and if we choose to pay attention, it takes the form of a presence that grows stronger on our side, wherever we are, whatever we do. This is the voice of our Ancestors, and it travels beyond the life we are experiencing right now. It is eternal, ever-present, it is a strength that, if we decide to allow into our lives, begins to support us, help us and guide us in ways unbeknown to us. The more I work on the path of Traditional Chinese Medicine and, as part of my family is Chinese (HK), the more I am starting to really understand and experience this.

This ancestral presence travels with us in our different lives, as we choose to experience living in the guises of different 'characters' in this play we call Life. I know I have lived as a priestess, as a nun, as a priest, a friar before. What I didn't know, is how there is a link, a theme, something our Soul is interested in, that travels through time. Something that links in some of the lives into a thread. I was once told by my dear friend Shirley Battie, one can often identify a theme...and in this life, we can begin to understand how the thread we are living is connecting to that particular theme. The awareness is useful to us right now, in the life we are living, as it helps us to understand what we are after, what we come back to do, and sometimes, why!

So, going back to the theme of Christianity and Spirituality, I began to hear this whisper, which I choose to welcome. As time went on, the whisper picked up speed. And throughout the years, I found myself visiting various christian sacred places like the Abbey in Shaftesbury, a monastery on the beautiful hills overlooking the Rhein in Hessen, Germany.

And as I did, the presence of Christ, Mother Mary, Saint Francis begun to resurface into my life. I still remember walking on the streets in Mainz one day, absorbed in thoughts and worries about the future, I found myself looking up to see in the most anonymous spot a statue of Mother Marie. In that moment I knew she was connecting with me, and I knew it wasn't chance. I stopped and felt my heart fill with a sense of gratitude I struggle to express in words. It felt like waking up from a walking dream, to a loving mother letting me know she is there, she never left, and never will.

I also have always felt a strong connecting with Rudolf Steiner, who has written extensively about the Christ, and many other christian themes. His teachings and writings are with me at all times, and I feel his presence as a pillar that stands in the chambers of eternity, holding still for those who are walking the paths of mysticism, looking for the Light. This connection further highlighted this link, one that I was never going to be truly rid of. But chiefly, one that I didn't truly wished to rid myself of.

The Wall Ruins

Sitting on the ruins of the Great Wall built by the Christians to protect themselves from the Kelts (Druids)

So here I am today, writing about all this...why? As I stood at the crossroads between my past as a christian, my present as a healer, a third way began to present itself, the way of my Heart, the way of my Soul. I had not anticipated this existed, and I am now willing to see it today.

As I continued to live these doubts, considerations and questions in my own mind, and as I visited spiritual and sacred places of christianity, druids, spiritualism, buddhism, I found myself walking the path of one 'final' stop that led me to feeling like it all clicked.

Going back to where I am now, there I was, on my family holiday. After a lazy start to the day, my partner's father, who is a high ranking comparative literature professor, decided to take us all to visit Mont Sainte-Odile, an important landmark on the Vogasen mountains. He had explained this sanctuary is very important for the history of the land, and that it has inspired many poets and artists in their writings and art. Helmut, as the incredibly gifted and brilliantly minded person that he is, always talks eloquently about the people who have made history, those known and those less known to those who, like me, don't have such a strong historical and literary knowledge. So I have him to thank, as up until now, I had not quite made the connection between the power of a place and a landscape and the expression of the Soul.

So, again, going back to my original point, we travelled to the region. Again, I was faced with yet another moment of awe. We began driving up these majestic mountains, covered with the thickest forests and historical trees. The air felt filled with a magnetic energy I can hardly describe. We finally arrived at the car park, and in my silly little human mind, I still had not realised what was happening. We all got out of our vehicles and began walking up this beautiful path amongst the trees.

Helmut started to talk about the importance of these woods and a few short turns down the path, there we see it. The ruins of a majestic wall. Huge round rocks piled on each other. My partner calls me to read the sign inscriptions, and Helmut explains: these are the ruins of a roman wall built by the romans (Christians) to defend themselves from the Kelts (Druids). I felt a profound sense of honour being there, and again how it all made sense. A christian walking on these lands, a christian who left her path behind to explore her spiritual connection, and a human being finding herself making the connection, finding herself walking two paths that seem like water and oil on paper. There I was, walking on the ruins of a wall that's fallen for those who are ready to walk the road in-between. The road of the Soul.

Mont Sainte-Odile, Vogesen

We continued to walk to arrive at Mont Sainte-Odile, Vogesen. After a short break for some coffee and ice cream (the family holiday vibe stayed with me of course!) I ventured into the sanctuary. As soon as I stepped into the walls I felt overcome by a sense of joy, happiness and breathtaking awe. The silence was palpable. Although the place was frolicking with people, the sacred grounds were exuding stillness. As I walked through the cloister and arrived at the terrace overlooking the Vogesen, I felt my breath extinguishing in my throat, as la spectacular view met my eyes. The monastery perched on the mountain, the steep treacherous valley below covered with ancient trees, and the Vogesen extending for miles, covered with a blanket of thick impenetrable forest. The black forest stretching in the distance, beyond the peaceful curves of the Rhein, king of the land below.

I felt my heart rejoicing in the quiet realisation and joy of feeling my christianity, my origins call, as well as the answer as to why. The calling was coming from beyond the teachings, from beyond what we learned in religious or spiritual terms, beyond the lables. It was the call of eternity, of what has been with humans since the beginning of times. I realised these places carry this energy, something eternal, ineffemerable, something that christianity has partily captured in the question: Are you ready to connect with me ME?

A Third Way - The Path to the Soul

So here I am, making peace with my past, accepting it co-exhists with my present, with my future. That it is not a weakness, but a strength. Something I can carry with me with a light heart, something I can share with others, something to build on.

I am grateful for all these experiences, for returning to the Soul is a true joy, one I am deeply grateful to Spirit and to my own Soul. Something that fills me with joy, and that I am so happy to be able to share on this path we call Life.

So I dedicate this post to my family, to Hemut, who brought us all here, and of course, to all those who have been on this path with me, for each piece of the puzzle represent a precious gem I carry in my heart with honour.