Discovery Through Pain

Back to Osteopathy and understanding the experience of pain

A few months ago, I woke up in the morning with the most horrendous pain in my neck, shoulders and top of the spine. It was so bad I was unable to lift my head from the pillow and had to (pretty comedically) lift myself by anchoring to the nearby radiator.

This wasn't my first experience of what I believed (and soon confirmed) to be torticollis, but certainly the most painful by far! The pain was so intense that I was unable to move my head much, and was forced to use my torso instead, in what felt like the perfect imitation of stick-man...or stick woman in this case!

I had suffered from a stiff neck, backache and general aches before, which I worked on based on the principle of releasing stress from the body, but also looking at the emotional aspect of pain. This meant looking at trapped emotions, and asking whether certain traumatic experiences of my life had been stored up in the fascia, bones and generally, my tissues.

When this happened, however, I had the distinct feeling that there was something behind that I was unable to access just yet. It was something my subconscious mind wasn't ready to 'reveal'.

Nonetheless, my daily commitments required my full presence, including the heaping amount of studying and Acupuncture coursework that was waiting on my desk. A few months ago, I had the pleasure of meeting an amazing Osteopath, so I decided to contact him in the hope that he could help me 'get rid of it'.

Accepting there is more to uncover

I arrived at the Osteopath's practice and after a brief chat, I was asked to lie on his couch.

That in itself proved to be a rather fun experience (I had not yet discovered the hilarious trick of holding my head and lowering myself down...nor had I figured out that the pain was most aggravated upon engaging my muscles!). He started working on me, and as soon as his hands touched my feet, I began to perceive the amount of strain that was spreading far beyond the neck. Aside from this, I just let him do his work and paid attention to how the different manoeuvres were affecting my body and my energy. It's funny how, once you start working with energy, all you think about when someone else is working on you is...what's happening!?

He gradually worked his way up to my head and neck. He released a great deal of tension and I could start to feel a change gradually happening. Remember, my only focus at that point was to eliminate the problem, and I was still under the delusion that a day from now I'd be pain-free (laugh emoji)!

Anyhow, he kept working on my neck and began pressing around the top of my shoulders. This is when something rather powerful and startling happened.

Without warning, I felt, not just from an emotional perspective, but also from a sensory/physical point of view, a sort of sadness. Almost like I had touched a deep, dark, forgotten pool of tears that I had stored away since my childhood. I could even see in my mind's eye my small little self, and exactly when this feeling developed. It was a time when my parents had separated my mother and I moved to a new place. Despite this feeling having a rather shocking effect in the red-hot moment, I also immediately felt a sort of relief. I could feel my energy saying, "Yes, it makes sense"! It made perfect sense that I was in so much pain. That build-up of forgotten tears I just made contact with was so powerful and deep...real!

As explained by my Guide, the Yellow Emperor

As I started to embark on my path, following my Heart and enrolling on an Acupuncture course, I began perceiving the presence of an Oriental guide, who made himself known as The Red Emperor (more on this soon!). I went on to enquire with this new Spirit Guide, as this unexpected experience hit me like a cold shower.

"When the tears are held in, they 'accumulate' inwards and go somewhere else. There is an 'essence' to the Tears, one that is displayed in them emotionally and subtly. This essence is that which is stored in the tissue, particularly that of the shoulders and the neck (the top of the spine). This is where the 'emotional essence' of the tears is stored. But this is not just an 'emotion'. It goes beyond. It is about the ethereal nature of tears. If the tears are not released (let out), they are cried and stored within. This is called the Well of Tears, where the emotions are stored when they are not released. Releasing means letting the teas out, which disperses their ethereal charge." - The Yellow Emperor.

After doing some research into this, here is what I discovered: DU-14 (Dazhui), a point on the Governing Vessel, is located at the base of the neck —a point of immense significance in Traditional Chinese Medicine. It functions like a pivot between the body and the head, the physical and the spiritual. Emotionally and energetically, this area becomes a bottleneck where much can become trapped: words left unsaid, grief unexpressed, and silent burdens carried over time. It is a meeting point of vulnerability, bridging the deep feeling of the heart with the discerning control of the mind.

Releasing Anger

Despite my hope of just 'getting rid of the pain', I was faced with a choice: are you or are you not going to listen? As soon as that feeling and sensation left, I went back to my original idea of getting up and being free of pain. However, to my irritation and defiance, the pain continued, and over the weekend got worse.

I found myself returning to the Osteopath after making one more attempt to rid myself of the pain on my own. This was going to be the final treatment that led to the resolution of all pain...with a twist!

During this session, as more adjustments were out of the question, he worked with more subtle techniques, starting on my upper chest. This marked the unfolding of those tears I had felt. Suddenly, I began feeling a strange and dull pain in my liver area. Without having to question this too much, I saw how those unexpressed tears had descended further, transforming into anger. I could feel the anger I experienced during that time of childhood, a time when I felt misunderstood and alone.

This made perfect sense, and I knew that the acknowledgement of those feelings had been enough for them to be dislodged from the liver (not released though...remember I said this story had a twist!). Interestingly, in Traditional Chinese Medicine, the liver is known to be affected by anger and even store it. The liver is also said to be in charge of what the ancient Chinese called 'sinews'. "In the view of modern medicine, meridian-sinews are basically equivalent to connective tissue in terms of function. Anatomically, they include muscles, tendons, fascia, ligaments, joint capsules, synovial fluid, and other systems" (Wei et al., 2013). Again, this made perfect sense as the pain I was experiencing was affecting my muscles!

To avoid any confusions, although TCM considers muscles as a tissue ruled by the Spleen, Giovanni Maciocia, the leading TCM Expert in the West, makes a distinction between acute and chronic muscle ache, pointing out that acute pain is most likely caused by Liver Qi stagnation, rather than an issue connected with the Spleen.

In any case, without making this text overly technical, as promised...here is the twist! The next day I felt like I was ready to fly...over the moon that all the pain had gone and I was feeling fantastic. However, one more day passed (conveniently when I was due to attend my acupuncture course) and I started to develop a nasty dry cough.

I couldn't remember the last time I had something like this...I must have been a child - how interesting! The dry cough was hacking and rose into the throat. I knew this had something to do with that anger and pent-up emotions. From an energy medicine perspective, a cough can be seen as a physiological response to 'trying to get something off our chest', especially when combined with a sore throat, which can be linked with the inability to speak our truth and express ourselves freely. The cough lasted two weeks and required me to work further on these emotions and childhood experiences.

The answer is not where you think

I have gone to Osteopaths since being a small child, thanks to my awesome mother, who always took the 'alternative' route and helped me with any health concerns the natural way. I knew from experience that this type of work often has a profound effect on the emotional body, and has a powerful impact thanks to its ability to release/dislodge those blocks and memories that we store up in our bones and tissues. After my last session, I was convinced that this was all 'done and dusted'.

The situation with my neck, however, followed by the cough, highlighted that healing is indeed a non-linear journey, and in this, there is an amazing opportunity not only to further release and 'unblock' ourselves but also to learn and expand beyond the realms of what we already know.

On the mend, I realised that it would take some time for me to nurture this part of myself that felt so neglected, forgotten and exhausted.

When we are children, we all experience a certain degree of trauma (it is important to note that trauma for a child can be their parents shouting or raising their voices!). This part of us never leaves and is stored within ourselves, hoping to be discovered, healed and nurtured.

Letting the Magic happen

This is, however, where the magic happens! If we are willing to walk the path, we will always find the support and help needed to recognise, understand and heal those parts of ourselves. If we don't, we will continue to experience pain, which often transforms and 'moves' from one part of the body to another, ultimately causing disease.

The idea of 'getting rid of pain' is more of a Western-capitalistic perspective on something that is seen as 'external' or as an 'imposition' that comes with no reason other than bad luck, poor constitution, hereditary issues...the list goes on!

This experience, however, has highlighted for me the nurturing, loving and caring aspect of healing from pain. Once the Osteopath helped with the release, balancing and harmonising of my energy and structure (which made all the difference), it was up to me to 'join in' the process. It was also up to me to allow myself to be helped, and to accept that healing isn't linear, but a process!

Why am I sharing all this?

Healing isn't a destination, and as healers, we might find ourselves in need of help with the stuff we have not been able to heal or access on our own. Finding the right people on our path can truly change everything. But for this to happen, we must be willing to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough, to let our guard down, to accept the help.

Healing is a journey, and it's up to us if we choose to see 'obstacles' as something to get rid of, or as an opportunity!